I can't lose you
by I-Plead-Contemporary-Insanity
Summary: Rose is so important to me. I can't lose her, I just can't.' But she's slipping away from him - and he's almost encouraging her. She's poisoned, broken and has the wrong impression of his feelings for her. She doesn't understand. TenRose.
1. Chapter 1

**OK, completely random, but I was watching 'Titanic' the other night and I had inspiration for another fluffy TenRose! Tell me if you like it if you read it…please? I might turn it into a story if you want me too? The place the Doctor and Rose went is a dream I had the other night – and also the nightmare that Rose has later on…**

**Forbidden Love – **

**Chapter I**

The Doctor and Rose had come back from the planet Urpentine, the birth place of the famous Jayne Austen (who happens to be an alien). As Rose did, she met people and befriended them, talked about their totally different world and compared them both, laughed and had fun…something else Rose usually did…watched them die, and suffer, and begging for help – she took it on herself to think it was her fault.. This wasn't something she usually got over in a day or two, the Doctor knew that. He didn't either – their every face haunting him as if he was somehow at fault for their deaths. Maybe she did, too.

She had nightmares, most nights. He had heard her screaming in anguish before. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry; please don't leave me, not again.' She would whisper. 'I didn't mean to, _please _forgive me. I don't want… I don't…' and her brow would furrow in her sleep as she turned over and the Doctor's arms encircled round her and lulled her to sleep with his calming voice. This is what had been happening the past few nights now. The same words over and over again.

'_Please don't leave me…I promise to…never let go.'_

Earlier on at Urpentine…

She was laughing with him. With the Doctor. Something about a past planet they had visited and ending up getting arrested again for some law they did not know existed. He pulled a few levers, holding her hand and pulling her around the consol gently but chatting with her. The truth was, she wasn't listening that hard. He was holding her hand and she clung on – she was worrying if she should grip lightly or tight. She eventually decided somewhere in the middle, just enough to say 'don't let go' but light enough not to make herself seem to different, or gave away her feelings too much.

She usually found this urge to run up and throw her arms around him for no reason at all, but she felt scared. How would he react? He had told her, hadn't he? That he didn't do relationships. What was it exactly that he had said/ '_You humans, you whither and you die.' _That had come across as harsh, so much so, that her throat burned when she thought of him, on his own for the rest of eternity.

So she cherished moments like these, where she could imagine what their love might be from afar.

"We're here!" he called letting go of her far too soon for Roses' liking. She sighed then smiled happily at the total bliss of being somewhere new. She swore that she felt none of this whole life would be the same if it wasn't with him.

She half walked, half skipped to the door and slowly pulled them open and peeking out into the gap.

"Just here to visit an old friend, but I thought we could do some sightseeing. Like it?" He smiled, and lightly ruffled her hair and casually draped his arm around her shoulders.

The swooping feeling in her stomach came back, and trying to ignore it she looked towards the clear, open sky; the trees that looked as if they were dancing when the wind blew through their branches, the open field with thousands of different varieties of flowers – cicadas and daffodils and jasmine plants winding their way up tree trunks. The sea way out in the distance, lost in a sparkling blue haze so that Rose couldn't tell where it ended and where the sky started, the small village at the bottom of the hill they were at…

"Yeah," she said, looking back at him. "Yeah, I…love it."

He looked back at her, his deep eyes boring into hers. "Yup. Nice view, right?" He said, staring back at her.

_Mixed signals, Doctor, you're sending mixed signals._

She looked away, ducked under his arm, and blushed profusely, making the Doctor suddenly start, and draw back his arm in confusion and embarrassment.

"Right." He said. "Ummm…well, off we go…Lady's first." He gestured to the path in front of them, and Rose walked on in silence, avoiding his gaze. Instead, she concentrated no the flowers as they lightly caressed her legs when she walked, and pointlessly clarified that it was a pleasant feeling to take her mind off things; especially as she could feel the Doctor's eyes on her back all the way to the bottom of the hill.

It was a nice day…the sun (A/N: Which is inaccurate - the star in their galaxy is probably called something else, like C33N45/apple but it's easier to understand so...Anyway, so continue from 'the sun') was out, for what Rose was thankful for, and several moons which had a green clouded haze surrounding it…she enjoyed herself more when it was warm - it put her in a good mood, and she had a chance to warm her shoulders. There was a gentle and slightly tropical breeze, which cooled the skin, and was refreshing; this was like a small piece of paradise that she could enjoy, which was a change.

The Doctor, picking up his pace so he strode next to her, cleared his throat.

"So, I booked a hotel suite for both of us, a lovely little room with a nice view of the sea...I thought you could use a break after...well, after what happened and all that with...and..."

He trailed off, and fell back, trailing behind her. H as probably referring to Mickey trapped in a parallel universe - the Doctor probably thought that the mood swings she suffered from were because of losing her 'boyfriend'...She suddenly had a brainwave.

"Yeah," she said. "He was like a brother to me, and I'm very sorry to lose his..."

_Come on Rose, what's a good word for a non-love relationship. Something that kind of says 'Hey, I'm single and you can have me'?_

"...Friendship."

_Friendship. Yeah, friendship works._

The Doctor, enthusiastic that she responded, nodded earnestly.

"Yeah, I know...I valued him highly...the only one in the TARDIS I would dare make a joke of...like you said, he was a very good frie-"

The Doctor stopped walking abruptly, and blinked. He walked on slowly, and Rose matched his pace, but kept her eye on the village they were nearing.

"Friend?" She prompted. The Doctor looked at her, as if this was the first time he had set eyes on a human before.

"What happened between you two?"

"What, you mean how we aren't...together?" He nodded. "I called it off ages ago. I guess what I thought was love was security, and a fixed life for ahead. Picnics, kids...marriage." She shuddered. "Now, I can't imagine even _kissing _him."

"So you're not with him?"

"No."

"No?"

"_No._" She emphasised.

"Oh. Well, not that it...means anything to _me._ I'm a Time Lord; these petty human relationships are _way _beneath my high level of intellect." He sniffed. "I watched one of those soaps once. This woman - let's call her Betty - wouldn't marry the person she loved - Bob - because she thought she wasn't good enough for him. He cried, she cried, she left. One of those tragic stories where they try to find new people to love, fail miserably and end up committing suicide."

He laughed affectionately.

"You humans. You make things so difficult for yourselves. Making out that things have to be so much more complicated than they really are. As long as you're the same race and you love each other, chances are things'll work out, in the end. Otherwise, the situation will become 'Romeo and Juliet' all over again."

He looked at her, his gaze intense, as if willing her to understand something crucial.

_The same race._

She understood.

He was saying that they could never work; that they were too different, and could never be together.

He was Time Lord.

She was human.

His two beating hearts, the fact he was immortal. She was weak. It was like he had said before. She would die, in the end. He would live on.

It was like a flower growing in a thorn bush. Their love would suffocate before it had a chance to start.

And she couldn't bear it. It hurt so bad to hear that she could never love him like she dreamed of.

"Race you to the bottom!" She gabbled, and started running. She didn't want him to see the tears in her eyes. They were eventually streaming down her face, blurring her vision so she could barely see. He could hear his shouts behind her.

"Rose, slow down! Come back!" he bellowed.

She didn't listen. Right down to the bottom she ran, tripping and stumbling over rocks but ignoring them. She reached the village, but wasn't about to give up. Through the houses, round twisting corners, through the alley ways and past the river. She stopped at a secluded tree, out of site, and leaned on it; panting and gasping for breath. She slid down the tree, and rested her head on the trunk, still sobbing – so much she could barely breath.

How many times had she cried like this? For people that had hurt her in the past. Jimmy Stone, Mickey, the Doctor…

She should have known he didn't want her. He wanted Madame de Pompadour, Sarah Jane, people that were better than her, and who she could never be.

She was Rose Tyler. A silly little ape, the little girl who always relied on the Doctor to get her out of a situation, dependent, and completely…completely and utterly head over heels over a man who would never want her back. She had thought he cared. She should have known better. Even if he felt for her as she did for him, it wouldn't matter.

_It was a forbidden love._

**OK, like it? See this little button at the bottom? It's called a review button. I know it sounds boring, but it's _really _a cookie button in disguise. You press it, and cookies come out!**

**Ok, so they don't but still press it. I want to know what you think! It is VERY interesting later on in the story. It will involve an injured**

**Rose, some mystery solving, death, fluff, and love confessions…and some extremely freaked out Ella.(new character I made up!) Find out in the next chapter!**

**I might re-write it, seeing as I had to rush to get it up, so watch out!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, I wanted to get started quickly, so sorry if it's messed up...at the bottom are the wonderful people who reviewed and get a shout out, and little chocolate chip cookies that I promised them...So, flashback!**

**Forbidden love -**

**Chapter I  
**

_How many times had she cried like this? For people that had hurt her in the past. Jimmy Stone, Mickey, the Doctor.  
She should have known he didn't want her. He wanted Madame de Pompadour, Sarah-Jane, people that were better than her, and who she could never be._

_  
She was rose Tyler; the silly little ape, so very dependant on the Doctor, who always relied on him to get her out of a situation, who was completely...completely and utterly head-over-heels over a man who would want her back. She had thought he cared. She should have known better. Even if he felt for her as she did for him, it wouldn't matter._

_  
It was a forbidden love._

**Indifference on both sides -**

**Chapter II****  
**

She sat there, and cried, and thought of things she wouldn't have been able to on a typical day because her mind was so full of this one thing. She knew that running away was a bit drastic and that what she was thinking was a bit crazy. Well, a lot. But when she was feeling like this it all had an edge of logic to it. He wouldn't want her They wouldn't be together. How could she travel with him now...live under the same roof as him ignoring her feelings when she knew she wouldn't be able to hold it all inside like before? Before when she thought she had a chance.

_Please love me...Need me...I can't live in a world you don't exist in, but would you be able to? Would it really be so disgusting to love me? Why can't you love me, dammit!_

When her sadness had deteriorated and her tears had calmed, her sobs quietened, anger pulsed through her veins. How _pathetic_ was it for her to act like this? How stupid could she _be_? Pining over a man who would never want her?

It was a powerful feeling that almost took control over her. What she wanted to do was throw herself at him, and pummel her fists on his chest, scream at him, ask him why she had given her this pain - but she wouldn't, because it would make him feel sorry for her. So she made a resolution that she would show cool indifference towards him, and act as though she did not care. She would get through this, and maybe...maybe after time some time he might?

_No_, she thought angrily, _that was enough. Just us being friends would be plenty...more than I deserve._

She though back to the way he had looked at her. So many emotions that she had seen to be warning, and sharpness. It was like he was telling her to lay off him because they would never work, and he didn't want it to. She looked out to the vast sea in front of her, and swallowed more tears that threatened to spill over and tumble down her cheeks. It was pretty. The type of beach that did not have sand. Rather a grass bank with strange purple plants randomly dotted around, that suddenly ended in a steep drop filled with water. She stood and silently walked over to the edge, kicked off her shoes and firmly planted her feet in the water. Her whole body relaxed at the contact, and she found that she loved the feel of the water gently lapping around her.

She instantly became rational. _Maybe...I got it wrong. maybe he was_.

She didn't know what else it could have been, but if he really meant what he said then he would have dumped her back home and told her to get over him. He said that he would never do that to her so she must mean something to him. Or maybe she was the baggage he had to lug around with him everywhere. She didn't know. She didn't know what to do.

"_Rose_!" A voice shouted.

She groaned internally. She recognized it. It was the Doctor. he had found her. She was in for it _big time_.

He would be all, _"Rose, what's rule number one? Never wander off? I can't believe you did that to me...gave me a heart attack...never coming back here again if you don't behave...do I have to put you on a leash? I will, I really will."_

She sighed and opened her eyes, and gave an embarrassed sort of smile. She was going to have to weasel out of this. She mad to get out of the sea and put her shoes back on. If things got too heated she could always make a run for it again.

But that was when she felt something brush against the side of her leg, making her pull both her legs out quickly with a splash. She peered into the water and saw a dark object weave through the water. She yanked her shoes back on and looked behind her. The Doctor was a few feet away from her now, looking relieved and angry at the same time.

"Doctor," she whispered. "What lives in these-"

She was cut off however, when she felt a sharp pain in her arm. She looked down in shock, and screamed. She saw, to her horror, a small creature resembling a leech with what looked like three rows of sharp teeth. She couldn't get a good grip of it to pull it off and cried in pain as she felt it burrow deeper into her skin.

"Rose, get that thing off! _Now_!"

She gasped as it was suddenly wrenched off by the doctor leaning next to her, and a single drop of blood oozed from the deep cut and fell into the sea.

He heaved her up and gently shoved her away from the edge before setting her down on the grass. He sat down next to her, avoiding her gaze, but his expression impassive. Hers was the same.

She suddenly realized what he was doing, and watched agape as he took his jacket off, then his tie, quickly followed by his shirt. Before she could ask what he was doing, he had ripped a long strip off.

He tied it round her arm tightly where the cut was, the blood now rolling down her arm while he asked medical questions in a grave voice.  
Which was when she noticed that her arm was feeling numb. She told him as much, which finally broke through his carefully composed mask to reveal a quick look of horror.

"What?" Rose asked. "Doctor, what is it?"

He ignored her and continued his work.

"Doctor!" She seethed. "I have a right to know!"

His face seemed oddly weary, and he quietly told her to get up, so they could go to the TARDIS. He lead the way, making sure Rose was tucked securely under his arms.

"Why?" She asked. "Tell me why?"

"Rose!" He yelled suddenly, turning on her. "Will you please just _shut up_, and follow me! I'm sick of you asking questions I have to answer - you wouldn't _understand_! You have poison in your system and it is vital that I get it out, or everything will shut down. You will _die_. Happy?"

She stared at him, her lip trembling and tears streaking down both cheeks. He was never that cold. Never.

So now she knew. He didn't care about her. She got it right before. She was the baggage he was obligated to protect. The Doctor's expression was etched with regret.

"Oh Rose," he croaked, his eyes sad as he outstretched both arms so he could hold her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

Her whole body was shaking under him, and she leaned in on him for support. Her head...it hurt...

"I knew it." She managed to gasp, her voice breaking. "I knew you didn't care!"

And before the Doctor's horror struck eyes, her eyes closed as the dizziness won her over and the darkness consumed her sight.

**Like it? Please like it! Like I said, rushed! But I need criticism to tell me how to improve (though I don't mind people telling me the chapter was good, hint hint)!**

**Big big thank you's to the people who reviewed chapter I!**

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**Yay! Thank you _so much _everyone, for reading and reviewing my chappie!  
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	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! This is kind of a present to cheer you all up about the doctor regenerating. Hope you like it.**  
**Disclaimer - alas, I have been stalking the Doctor in vain, for I do not own him or any of the other stalkers that may or may not have been stalked by me...yet. Muah ha ha ha ha!**

**By the way, this was very quick, and very rushed. A lot of spelling mistakes, probably, but please ignore them!  
**

**Indifference on both sides -**  
**Chapter II**

So now she knew. He didn't care about her. She got it right before. She was the baggage he was obligated to protect. The Doctor's expression was etched with regret.

"Oh Rose," he croaked, his eyes sad as he outstretched both arms so he could hold her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

Her whole body was shaking under him, and she leaned in on him for support. Her head...it hurt...

"I knew it." She managed to gasp, her voice breaking. "I knew you didn't care!"

And before the Doctor's horror struck eyes, her eyes closed as the dizziness won her over and the darkness consumed her sight.

**Forget and forgive -**

**Chapter III**

I did that, was all he could think as he looked at the fragile figure he was holding in his arms. I killed her.

He trudged up the hill with heacy hearts, his mind bubbling like turmoil as he thought of a life without Rose. A dead life, devoid of colour and meaning and laughter. His mind strayed for a moment. _What would it be like to never laugh again?_ He mused.

He continued to plow his way up the hill, his limbs now moving with a speed that was almost robotic; constant but pushing himself faster as he felt (undeneath the hand that was on her chest) each heartbeat dwindling away and growing fainter. He could almost feel his own hearts fading, his entire being shifting focus onto wherever her path would leave.

Wasn't everything so pleasent just twenty minutes ago? Coming down this same hill with a feeling of an airy lightness as he looked at his little Rosebud's back. That feeling that coursed through his arm that made him want to reach out and just touch her. To even feel her soft skin on his was too much. He would be content with just that.

He hissed, directing his intense expression into oblivion.  
"This isn't fair!" He snarled. "Take me away from her if you dare, because I swear to Rasillion I wll get her back. I'm not letting her go. Not now."

Tears pricked at his eyes and he saw the vunerable fool he was now because of her - begging at nothing to keep her with him, where she belonged. He loved her. Trying so hard to protect her from his world, but at the same time that selfishness keeping her close so he was unable to let her go. She should be on Earth with her mother and Mickey the Idiot, her biggest problem being that she couldn't decide what shoes to wear for some party! Not stuck here in a fallen angel's arms, clinging onto life with every fibre she had...

Because of him.

He screamed then the hoplesness of everything starting to weigh him down. Never stopping though, never stopping because Rose needed him.

Then something blue came in line with his vision. The TARDIS! The Doctor almost cried out in relief and ran straight for the door, gently balacing Rose on his knee to get to the key in his pocket.  
"Yo-yo, bannana, skeleton key, bouncy ball, beanie bag-" He muttered as he felt his way past the objects. "-toy screwdriver, tool screwdriver, sonic screwdriver, squeeky screwdriver...there! Here it is! Ha!"  
He grabbed the key and shoved it into the door before carefully (but with haste) carrying Rose directly to the infirmiry.

* * *

Rose's eyes fluttered open, and she groaned as the pulsing green light of the TARDIS played with the shadows beneath her eyelids. As her eyes opened her surroundings were blurry and she had to blink a few times. A shape was in front of her but she couldn't make it out.

A damp cloth soaked her forhead and she closed her lids again. A few robotic beeps sounded from some macine and the person was there again, hands soothing her cheeks touching her face, wiping her forhead in strangely comforting motions.

"Doctor?" She murmered. She was almost scared to look at him, remembering flickers of what had happened between them.

_Her head...it had hurt._

"It's me, Rose. I'm here. Don't worry." He soothed her. _Oh Please_, she thought. _How can he tell me not to worry after that? No, how can her even forgive me after that?_ She grabbed him feebly by the hand and held on tight with the little stregnth she had...

"I'm so sorry, Doctor." She said. Tears were filling her eyes. "Please don't hate me."

She couldn't see it, but the Doctor was close to tears, too. His angel, his beautiful angel asking him not to hate her after what he had inflicted on her?

"I could never hate you, Rose." He whisepered, leaning close to her ear. "I-"  
He swallowed the lump that suddenly came into his throat. He couldn't finish the sentance.

"Don't leave me." She sobbed into his sleeve as he attempted to pry himself from her. He wanted to leave the bed, to fill the awkward moment. "Don't leave me - the nightmares, you stop the nightmares!"  
The doctor looked at her with the tender devotion that she usually missed so often.

"Of course I won't leave. I'll be here. Just sleep and have sweet dreams. Get your rest." He hesitated for the smallest fraction of a second. "I'm not mad at you. If anything you should be mad at me. But I tell you what, when you're better I'll take you to the hotel we were mean to go to, it's wonderful, it has its own swimming pool just like you said you wanted...the sky at nightime looks like something that's been computer generated...exotic flowers everywhere, even inside..."

And Rose fell asleep to her favourite sound in the world. The sound of the Doctor's voice.

* * *

The Doctor looked over her sleeping figure, watching over her. As her chest went up and down, heard her gentle breathing, her peacful expression, his mind filled with the one thing he didn't think he would ever be able to tell her because of the pain it would cause the both of them.

_I love you._

**A/N: OK, chapter three, short but sweet. I won't be able to continue this story for ages because final exams are coming up. I have to study study study! But enough of the bad news. Will the people who reviewed me come up to the cookie podium!**

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**And I encourage all of you to review this chappie too! (Oh, by the way, I have a great excuse for you if you turn up late at school! 'I squeezed all the toothpaste out of the tube and speant ages getting it back in.' (cackles crazily). Nah, I'm never late for school. Never...I'm serious, never in my life. Does that mean I'm a control freak? Huh. Maybe.**


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